I know why i haven't written my book yet. It's because I have a lazy writer's mind. I do not have a lazy mind. It's also because I'm so critical of what i write, but who isn't. i'll tell you, the people making loads blogging. is it all beneficial? up to the minute? pertinent beyond pertinent? no. but plenty of it is informative, simply not knee jerking, head snapping, steam heat the cranium-profound. but this is. the only other reason i have not written my book yet, which in addition (but not, because it is more a function of f(x)=??) IS why i have a lazy writer's mind, IS i have no time. everyone says that, "I don't have time to blah blah blah." that's fine, but i don't have to time develop this skill, writing. not everyone says that about development, normally it's about time to talk to so and so, or finding time to get the groceries, or for those slightly more concerned with growth, time to garden. garden is both a noun and a verb. i will say that my writer's mind is generally more insane at night. insane because everything is working at extremely fast speeds and i can't put it down fast enough. i can barely keep up. so i flit from one perfect complete thought to the next and it's all worth the time, but very little is inexorably explored. so...i still go to bed on a small bed, all alone and bereft of female companionship. and i converse for two somewhere in the frontal lobe i think. i must say i do love writing. i love how it feels.
on the subject of time, which is interwoven with nearly every subject i can think of because i'm interminably confined within it. it is now 1:20AM. i know that i've not written half the wonderful thoughts i had tonight, all whilst eating a breed of apple i have never in my life heard of, but which apparently exists and is made available to me because i live in America and Whole Foods has every named apple ever named.
5 minutes later.
yes, 5. it seems i'm lossing steam and speed and memory. i wanted to say something about how i'm thinking as though i'm a CEO. thinking. i'm not a CEO yet, but i imagine thinking does precede it. agree.
i had an untold plethora of silver lined clouds raining down little confirmations of how or why "to whom much is given, much will be expected." that's from the Bible. the most brilliant book every written. and so, written through Job to Revelation and 40 different men. men God inspired, not men inspired. and God is not described in time. He does go into it, like plunging in the ocean, or Jesus to be more exact. and I'm reading a book about him called Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die.
...And I'm remembering why all the little epiphanies. "to whom much is given, much will be expected," we think of that as money, time, something i can offer. i'm a pobre (en espanol) a poor person, not the CEO. BUT i've been given eternal life. there's nothing greater i've been give. it's the greatest thing i can tell you. so, i have some lovely perspective on the present poverty. mine isn't poverty of spirit or "why? why? why? why me, God?" this is how things are. but i have something. you want it? i have a river of life flowing out of me. makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. opens prison doors. sets the captives free. i've got a river of life flowing out of me.
...and so i flit to this: "For in this hope we are saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?" Romans 8:24
Who hopes for what he already has? I have it all. What are you hoping for? tell me. I'm curious and I bet I can think of how to get it.
 | Currently reading : A Tour of the Calculus By David Berlinski Release date: By 28 January, 1997 |
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