I admit, I don’t spend a lot of time around children. This is not because I dislike children, but simply that I don’t have kids and live with two other bachelors…a bachelor kind of life. So, in the rare event that I’m called on to look after someone else’s children, I have noticed a few things. For example, I noticed that kids don’t come together to do things kids do with ideas of concession, or communicativeness. In fact, most kids have no concept of those words. So for example, in last night’s adventures I watched this: two children, for reasons I can’t begin to guess, find it hilarious to promptly disappear and lock themselves in a side classroom where they think moving every object in the room—desks, chairs, and cabinet—into a piled mass against the door is hands-down the funniest thing ever. This somehow happened in less than five minutes, and both these children are about five. I wondered, as I stood in the middle of the other children, trying to sort their ideas of doing something together, that is, each child yelling his want, ‘how is it those two five year olds find so much glee in completely dismantling a room?’ I remembered being six, when we lived overseas, and in some kind of insanity, delighting in turning on every faucet I found on the complex. Perhaps I do get it.
While the five year olds crept under Rubbermaid bins across the gymnasium floor, I tried to make sense of the best way to put the older children in order. Mind you, the oldest was ten, but he at least took verbal interest in the peacekeeping negotiations. He blustered and hedged and implored me, but smirked when I appealed to his conscience. We had a good time. The other children, on the other, were basically in their own worlds. I had forgotten that children apparently notice that a bigger person is in the room and there to take care of them, but don’t know why he talks. I quickly realized I was not there to keep the peace only or be considerate or ask for consensus. I was there to preside over the squabbling and tell them what we were then going to do. So, we decided 30 minutes of kickball was agreeable, then 15 minutes of football (3 on 3 with the only girl, who was 5, being all-time defense), and finally finishing the evening with a frenzied game of soccer. Soccer as a mixed group of seven children under ten imagine soccer, not goalies and passing. Owing…I’ll guess, to the private “me centered” mentalities of being small and vocal, and great dissatisfaction with the referee calls (I was the referee), the kickball game ran a bit over and there wasn’t time for soccer. No one seemed too disappointed though that we weren’t able to come together on everything. I guess it makes sense to them…. So, smiling I delivered nine cockamamie kids to their very experienced parents and thought driving home, I should try to write about this.
What to do about lively, vocal, mischievous kids? Well, know at least two 5 year olds will probably disappear. Group activity I guess doesn’t make sense to kids. If you’re watching siblings…they’re probably not going to share or be nice. In fact, they’re probably going to behave like little enemies and decry each other. Be certain to step into the biggest person in the room role, as children don’t make up their minds. Some amount of consideration for their little opinions goes a long way though. I thought it so amusing how despite being the “bad ref”, making the “bad calls”, kids are glad you’re there. They don’t know what they like about you, but they do like you. So, be present, be considerate, and be firm. Don’t be overwhelmed. You were a kid too, remember?
